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That desire that they be someone other than who they were when they married you is toxic to a relationship. I am married to an ER doc and agree that having your own life, being independent, and not going into the relationship with any preconceived notions is what makes it work for us. It's all about timing, and you're in two different places. I wouldn't purposefully subject my daughters to that BS. Dozens of missionaries have told me that the gender ratios in other countries are far, far worse. No nagging, no emotional neediness, etc. Please think that there is something worse: Sometimes I feel the worst wife, mother and daughter. Thought the girl and I had a future, and we did, just not with each other I'll bet there are hundreds of boyfriend converts out there. I also expected that my spouse would be temple worthy and that I would get married in the temple, which was not the case. I have only been dating my boyfriend for just over 3 months,and he has just started his 3rd year in med school.
For me and the woman I'm in love with, we CAN discuss it without breaking down into spittle and hate. In each case, you should also consider how this will affect your families. If you don't want to give up, then don't. I wish I know things better and would have taken a different path in life. Stick around on this sub. But no one can move on to one of the 3 Kingdoms until they accept Christ and totally repent. The house is perfect, with nothing out of place.