Ask Auntie Leila: Dating rules for teenagers? ~ Like Mother Like Daughter
Any overbearing advice or feelings will be met with total defiance or rebellion. 5 .. I have a 17 year old daughter who has been dating her boyfriend for a year. My year-old son has never been I was dating when I was 14 or Talk to her about the consequences of breaking rules instead of just Your year-old daughter probably thinks a lot about dating and sex.
In other words, you would have to already be good friends with the person and be mature enough to be considering marriage. This is simple prudence. And of course for a girl, the reasons are obvious. In helping an unwed mother? What about in preventing the conditions in the first place?
Keeping the door open whenever she had a male visitor kept her comfortable and prudence satisfied. Shut that door and you are in a danger zone. The nicer and more wholesome the kids, the less surprised we should be! Getting into position requires a lot of hard work and practice with self control.
It can be so normal and easy to do, merely by commenting on behavior and observations you and your kids make. It helps for eventual mature thinking. We all know that playing with those feelings is incredibly unwise. And most kids who date are indeed playing — play-acting — and then they are setting themselves up for a sad future of using other people or being used. What is it that you hope to accomplish with your rules? It's unclear to me what your goals are, and this is the first step in setting up guidelines or procedures of any sort.
It sounds from your message as if you are conflicted with regard to your goal.Jordan Peterson: What Advice Would You Give Your 16-Year Old Self?
If you could, you might want to have a goal of get teen to stop having sex. But you seem equally convinced that this is not achievable. One possible starting place to think about your goals might be: Have teen and parents be both happy and safe. Then you can identify the sub-parts of this goal that will contribute to this. For instance, as you mentioned, garnering cooperation from another parent might be one route though it hasn't worked so far.
Getting appropriate health care for the teen might be another--taking her to the Planned Parenthood, or your physician, and getting her a complete checkup including STD screening, and good solid information on both pregnancy prevention and STDs, with access to appropriate condoms required in this day and age and possibly also hormonal protection as well pill, Depo-Provera, whatever.
Dragging her to this would not help, but having her understand that you are in partnership with her to ensure her safety as well as your peace of mind probably will.
It's a business book called The Goal, by Eliyahu? It is a novel about manufacturing processes. And more strangely, it's very readable--even enjoyable!
The reason I think that it's useful in this case is that it talks about identifying what your goal is, and how to figure out where your bottlenecks are in the process. Even better is the second book, called It's Not Luck.
Advice about Teens Dating
In that one, they set out some really powerful thinking processes that can help you identify a conflict, and see where seemingly irreconcilable differences can be shifted, if you can identify incorrect assumptions. The two together are actually pretty amazing, and there are several occasions when the examples used are from the protagonist's family life, so it's even clear how to apply it outside of the business world.
The process is very powerful, and my husband and I are planning to incorporate it into our personal and relationship coaching tools. Feel free to e-mail me individually, if you wish. I have much more specific advice to offer, if you want it. And I assure you, it was not wonderful a few years ago, so it's not like we just have some miraculous kid, or are some unachievably enlightened parents ourselves! Challenging, but highly worth it.
Dawn I want to refer you and any other parents to a wonderful resource for any kind of parenting issues: I speak from my own experience as a teen who was sexually active at 14 and avoided getting pregnant but did NOT avoid sexually traumatic and exploitive situations invariably by older adults and not my peers.
First to the extent possible make sure that your daughter uses the pill or another highly effective form of birth control. Encourage her and her regular boyfriend if she has one to go as a couple to Planned Parenthood for an information session; in any case, make sure that someone other than you ensures that she is very well informed about birth control and STDs and gets some coaching on the latest ways to persuade partners to use a condom.
Second, help her to understand deeply that she alone can decide if she is consenting in consensual safe sex. Being pressured into having sex when she doesn't want to have sex attacks a girl's core self esteem and can lead to other problems with alcohol, drugs, self-cutting, etc. Let her know how very important it is to ask herself how SHE feels and if SHE is ready to have sex with this particular person at this particular moment.
She needs to know that although having genuinely consensual safe sex can be a joyful experience, she may need help to handle the feelings that come up because sex is a radical form of intimacy.
Teen Dating Rules - Capturing Joy with Kristen Duke
Sex is powerful stuff. Who can she talk to about how it really feels? If she is driving her own car, encourage her to come home at a reasonable hour and to routinely tell her friends that she will be grounded forever if she doesn't make the curfew.
This will make it a little easier for her to get out of situations where she is in over her head. Most important is to encourage her to LOVE herself, to exercise her power to take care of her core self, which is indistinguishable from her body, with confidence and joy. Just want to say thanks to the people who responded to my question about teen dating.
Your responses were a help and a support. I have a 12 yr old 7th grade boy who has been getting calls from different girls to go out with him often 8th graders. Usually it's a girl calling for a friend who wants to go out with him. But now reality hits: Evidently she likes him,too and they've shared their feelings with one another. They see each other only at school.
The New Rules for Teen Dating
She has let her friends know that she wants to go out with him and they in turn have told him. Parents with older kids: I want my kids to be open and honest with me and not sneak around if I'm too strict.
When I was growing up I snuck out on dates by saying I was going to a friends house. I don't want that with my own kids. If your kids did go steady, how did they handle breaking up?
I know a lot depends more on maturity level than on age, but have any of you come up with any rules of thumb methods? Here I am supposedly guiding my son and I'm just as confused as he is. He has definitely been feeling pressure with these phone calls. This much I've learned: I wish the phone calls would stop! How does a kid say No and not sound like a nerd.
If a kid says yes, just what is he getting into? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. My daughter graduated from 8th grade in June. There was lots of talk among the girls about going out with so and so. This term means going steady, not actually going on a date, however they may want to go on dates while going out.
I have told my daughter that she can go on dates when she is 16 or Meanwhile, they have gone on group dates; this does not imply that physical closeness is out the window.
Lots can happen on a group date. Because of the media hype of sexuality especially on TV these kids are under a great deal of peer pressure to be grown up and cool. Not only are kids' hormones running wild at this age, but TV programming implies that sex is constantly on every adult's mind, and is the primary component of humor. I find this portrayal skewed, to put it mildly. Times are different now.
Girls do call boys and I can appreciate your dislike of this practice.
As an alternative to the overemphasis on this, I suggest supporting involvement in sports for girls and boys and helping them to develop and get involved in things they have a strong interest in.
For instance, the terms, like going steady have a different meaning than they used to. That book might be useful to the parent. Asking other parents of kids in this age group in this region is a great idea! I'm eagerly awaiting the relpys that are generated, being the mother of an eleven year old who is clearly gearing up for the complexities of the middle school social world.
It's fascinating to watch as the posters of The backstreat boys and others begin to cover her bedroom walls, a swirl of peoples faces wherever you look. And the time she spends looking at her own face, refining all its different expressions.
Seven Rules for Teen Dating | Better Homes & Gardens
Katherine My 8th grade son, who has no personal experience dating or going steady, tells me that going together at Willard Jr. High in Berkeley means walking together in between classes. He says they hug at school, but kissing is not allowed on the school grounds. For instance, your year-old daughter probably does not need to be dating a year-old.
You might also ask that the boy come into the house to meet you before she goes out. Date type is another consideration. Ron Eagar tells HealthyChildren.
Sex Sex is one the scariest, most uncomfortable subjects for many parents to broach with their teen girls. Making a "no sex" rule probably will not stop your year-old from having sex if she wants to, but other rules about the subject might help. Share your personal and religious beliefs about sex, and tell her if you want her to wait until she is older or until she marries.
If you deem it appropriate, you might also tell her that if she is going to have sex, she must protect herself at all times.