How Far Is Too Far: How to Set Physical Boundaries in Dating Relationships | Project Inspired
God does the same kind of work in marriage and dating. Setting good boundaries in dating will rest on recognizing and even appreciating God’s one massive boundary. “How far is too far before marriage?”. While I spoke briefly about this in a sermon titled, “Sex, Soul Ties, and Pornography,” I wanted to give some clearer guidelines and tips for. How can you draw proper boundaries? From Modern Dating” that “biblical dating assumes no physical intimacy” outside of marriage.
So today I want to share them with you in the hope that they can help you as well. Only date someone who shares your standards.
This was one of my mistakes. I thought that was good enough, but when my willpower started slipping and I gradually decided I wanted to go farther, he was okay with that—as long as I was okay with that which, eventually, I was.
Then I met James. He wanted us to live rightly before God just as much if not more than I wanted to. We could encourage each other and stand strong together. Talk about it ahead of time. Because let me tell you: Everything is going to sound good in that moment!
Talk about and choose your boundaries ahead of time. And then keep talking about it—keep the conversation going throughout your whole relationship.
Physical Boundaries in Dating
Talk with other couples. What do you wish your boundaries had been? You know I asked them! We spoke with one couple who had sex while dating, and they said that even though they married each other, the fact that they had sex while dating really hurt their marriage. They had to work through trust issues with each other, along with the guilt and shame from not following their convictions. Then we spoke with couples somewhere in the middle: We learned from each of the couples, took these ideas home, and started praying and talking about them.
You want to get the most out of the dating experience to see whether marriage is in the cards which I believe is the healthiest goal of dating. You want to open up enough for the person to really get to know you.
Physical Boundaries in Dating - Come Quickly Ministries
Even defining these terms would be a challenge. If you asked one Christian guy to make two lists, one describing conservative values in dating and another list describing liberal boundaries in dating, and then you asked another guy to do the same thing, I have no idea what they would each include.
All I can guarantee you is that their lists would look nothing alike. So here is a list describing 5 boundary categories to consider in Christian dating relationships.
Temptation, Dating, and Building Boundaries That Work
While this is a clear command in Scripture, how you guard your heart in dating is less clear. One area to consider placing boundaries around is your emotions. If you want to ride an emotional rollercoaster not sure why you wouldjust start dating!
Dating, again, is precarious because you are more than friends but less than spouses and the status of your relationship can change at any moment because dating comes with limited commitment levels. The more commitment there is, the more emotional connectivity there should be. Emotional bonds without commitment is what leads to broken hearts. You should be able to share everything with your spouse because the two of you have made one of the greatest relationship commitments available on planet earth.
You should not share everything with your boyfriend or girlfriend because the highest levels of commitment are not yet there. How much should you emotionally connect in a Christian dating relationship?
- 5 Christian Dating Boundaries
You should share what you need to share to accomplish the goals of dating and no more. In other words, you should connect enough to know whether or not you want to connect more in marriage. With each increase in emotional attachment you should add commitment.
Temptation, Dating, and Building Boundaries That Work -
If you do this, you will get married fairly quickly. So guard your heart. The more commitment the two of you make, the more it makes sense to talk about the future.
All you are going to do is increase your emotional intimacy which will influence your sexual desires, all while your commitment is too low for such feelings. I followed all of the rules, but the rules were all about physical boundaries.
The best they did was prevent opportunity to act on lust. Sure, I was physically a virgin, and obeyed all of the physical rules, but my heart and mind were in the red light district. The Point of Physical Boundaries Any boundary I had been taught as a teenager really focused on this idea: People wrongly assume what tempted one person tempts everyone.
The physical boundaries we lay down are really just roadblocks on the pathway to sex. If there were a map, sex would be the destination. Two miles in, some group will draw the line at long talks. A couple miles later, another group is going to draw the line at, being alone together.
For decades, people have been finding ways to off-road. So, it works, right? So much of this battle is not physical. We sin when we are drawn away by our own lust and enticed- all of that is not physical.
Focusing only on the physical action cuts out a majority of the struggle. Physical boundaries do little but provide a false sense of security. In fact, it perfectly kept all of the rules.
Never mind the fact that I had no sexual self-control. This has always been an issue of self-control, which is an internal boundary, not an external one. Not in the slightest.